"Anyone can have one kid. But going from one kid to two is like going from owning a dog to running a zoo." - P. J. O'Rourke

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Birthmoms

I'm spending too much time tonight looking at pictures on the computer :-) It's a favorite pastime of mine. As I was meandering through the past several years of photos, I came across theses pictures of our kids with their birthmoms and it reminded me of how thankful I am to have these ladies in our lives.

I am continually amazed at how I often I come across people, both in the adoption community and outside of it, who are adamantly opposed to openness in adoption. Regularly, I hear how "bad" or "risky" it is.

I tire of it. I tire of people telling me that openness is an "experiment" and the "repercussions" are yet to be seen.

Not that I think that openness is always a good idea. Certainly there are instances when, for the well-being of the child, an adoption should not be open, but (and it's a big but), there are many times (yes, many times) when openness is a wonderful blessing AND in the best interest of the adopted child. We have wonderful, productive, beneficial relationships with the birthmoms of our four domestically adopted children. I believe that in open adoptions this is more the norm than the exception.

Our kids love their birthmoms. LOVE them with wholehearted affection! This doesn't mean that they love me any less. It doesn't mean that they are "confused" about who their parents are. It doesn't cause them confusion at all. Actually, it eliminates a lot of confusion. When they have a question about their biological heritage, they can ask the source. When they want to know the "whys" of their adoption, they can ask the person who made the decision. When they want to know why they hold their pen funny, they can look at the hands that hold it the same funny way. I'm not seeing how any of this is negative, in any way shape or form.

Oh my, here I was just going to post some cute pictures of my kids and their birthmoms and suddenly I'm on this open adoption soapbox. Sorry about that :-) I am laid back about a lot of things in life, but this is NOT one of them. I hope I haven't offended anyone. I totally believe that everyone has to make decisions for their family, based on their situation. I do respect that, I really do. I really just want people to see that openness is not some sort of freaky social experiment which is ruining our children.

I'm done. Good night.

2 comments:

  1. Barb, you are an awesome mom!! Thanks for always being so open and real...it is refreshing!!!

    Jean

    ReplyDelete

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