The Last of the Firsts

 January 31 is coming.

While the year of pain and suffering that was 2020 ended December 31, my personal year of pain will end on January 31. It will be the end of the Firsts.

My dad passed away late in the night on January 31, 2020. Every day since then has been a first.

The first Valentine's Day, Easter, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

The first June 27 (their anniversary), July 7 (his birthday), September 27 (my birthday), November 3 (Mom's birthday). 

The first morning waking up with him gone. The first time cleaning my Airbnb and knowing that he wasn't "checking up on me" using Find My Friends. The first time opening the cabin. The first time closing the cabin.

SO MANY FIRSTS!

Some we could have avoided, but chose to walk through them, while some came at us without permission or any way to avoid them. Each one has brought tears and memories...and smiles and laughter at the many, many memories.

It has been a painful year. 

There are a couple more firsts coming up in the next few weeks. I am planning to go back to United Noodle.  This is one of those firsts I can avoid if I wish but feel like I have to face. The last time I was there was the end of January, 2020. I was meeting several of my kids there for lunch. When I was in the parking lot, my sister called and told me that Dad was going to be moved to the hospice. I knew it wasn't going to be long at that point. We ate lunch and then I went to my parent's house.  I really don't want to go back to United Noodle. I don't want to cry in the grocery aisle, but I will because I feel like I need to. I will because I don't believe in avoiding hard things. I will because you can't skirt around grief; you have to go through it.

The last first will be January 31 itself. Most of us are going to go to Alabama and spend a week at the beach, where SO MANY happy memories with Dad reside. It will be HARD, but it will be good...and we'll be together.

Amidst the pain of this past year, I am so, so very thankful that I had 54 years with my Dad! He was not perfect (but close), and he loved us so much. He cared about us and for us with every bit of himself. 

 

"A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved"

Friday Fotos

 Crazy week which entailed getting a new phone, so Friday Fotos are primarily selfies 😂

Big Day

 Lost in the shuffle of holiday preparations, we had a BIG day here at the Johnson house!

 

This girl

Emily, aka dearest child number 5, graduated with her Associates Degree from Normandale.  We are so, so incredibly proud of her hard work. She even made the Dean's list every single quarter there! Even though there isn't an in person commencement ceremony, we want to celebrate her accomplishments here!

She will be taking a little time off from school to earn money for the next stage of her education.  She plans on pursuing a bachelor's degree in special education in the not-too-distant future.

Congratulations, Emily! You are amazing!!

Friday Fotos

 I think Friday will be my day to post random pictures from my week. Maybe I’ll offer explanations, but maybe I’ll just do a visual “highlights” post. 

It’s been a good week!

Decision Fatigue

 I am suffering from a serious case of decision fatigue! You know, when you have to make so many decisions each day that your brain just refuses to make any more.  

On top of the normal, what should I wear, what should I cook for dinner decisions, how will we juggle three cars between five drivers? Now we have - where can I safely go, who can I safely see, what mask goes with my outfit? Okay, that last one has NEVER crossed my mind...until now. 

 This is a problem today because...CHRISTMAS! 

 I have to make decisions about presents!! Yikes! This has literally caused me to freeze in my tracks. It doesn't help that we don't even know what we are doing for Christmas. Who will we see? Where will we see them? How are we going to eat all our favorite Christmas food stuffs if we aren't all together? What will I do with the plethora of stocking stuffers I am rapidly accumulating in my basement if I don't get to see these people?

Anyone else having a hard time completing their Christmas shopping this year? My misery would love company!

I'm Baaaaaaack!

Just when you and I both thought I would never blog again, along came 2020 and, just like the pandemic, here I am!

No doubt some of you are wondering "Why?" Why start blogging again after all these years?  It has been six years since I blogged regularly and a lot has changed here in my little "zoo" and everywhere else.  In those six years, I occasionally had a thought or two that I might want to share, but then life moved on and it was forgotten.  Then my dear sister-in-love, Monica, encouraged me to start up the blog again, and here I am! 

For my first post, I thought I would catch you up on the past six years...

Let's see...

Maybe this is best done in bullet form -

• My kids all got older, but Chris and I stayed surprisingly young 😉
  
• Evan and Erin have given us two beautiful granddaughters (with a grandson on the way!)
• Molly got married to Danny after dating for almost forever
• Nina started her career as a massage therapist (she is the best massage therapist I've ever been to - and that is a completely unbiased opinion)
• Nina moved out
• Aidan & Emily both graduated from high school, but are both still living at home
• Marcus is in public high school (Junior)
  
• Raelea is still homeschooled (Sophomore) and has taken up the violin
• Zoe is in public middle school (8th Gr)
  
• I bought a house in Minneapolis that I run as a short-term rental (Airbnb, VRBO)
• We traveled around before the pandemic shut that down (England, Scotland, Italy, Ireland, and various parts of the US)

I am sure a lot more has happened, but for now the above list will suffice.  And now for good measure here's a picture from our Christmas tree hunting today.

Welcome back!

I'm Having An AMAZING Day!

Today!  What an amazing day!

Despite getting to bed after midnight and having a less than restful sleep, I was able to crawl out of bed at 5:30 this morning with a  hug from my ever patient husband waiting for me.  After finding out that I forget to prep the coffee pot last night, I was able to quickly grind those beans and start the wonderful, magical coffee pot.  Whilst the coffee was brewing I had the privilege of making lunch for my three kiddos who go to public school

After all that, I hardly felt worthy to sit down and get to read my Bible AND pray with my hubby before he left for work.  Do you believe it?!  It wasn't even 6:30 AM and I was already SO blessed.

The morning rushed by as I got to ride along while my permitted-driver child drove herself to work, deftly handling the construction zones on the way!  What a privilege to teach yet another child how to drive.  Back at home, I was able to hang my laundry for the day out on the line, thanks to the abundant sunshine and warm weather. Just looking at that laundry makes me smile!

Despite a late start, I was able to complete the school with the two at home AND correct their work from yesterday that I hadn't finished. That is a blessing, indeed!

After a very tasty lunch of amazing left-overs, I had time to do a 30 minute work-out where I only collapsed in exhaustion half a dozen times. To top it off, I was able to do the work-out without any modifications, a first since I injured my back a couple weeks ago!  YAY for my chiropractor and a God who loves to heal our infirmities - AND my shoulder that's been giving me trouble hardly hurt at all!

There's still more amazingness left in my day, so I need to end here.  I have groceries to pick up, children to drive places, dinner to make....

It's going to be an amazing night!

Sappy Mom Post

Maybe it's becoming a grandma, or maybe it's having two daughters graduating in a few months, or maybe it's middle-age hormone adjustments.  Maybe it's all three.  All I know is that I've been all sentimental lately.

Something about staring at my beautiful little granddaughter, brings me back 21 years to when her daddy was a baby.  Her parents love her so much.  I remember that feeling as a new mom, discovering how much I could love another human being.  Surely, I thought I couldn't love him any more than I did that day he was born.  I was wrong.  The older my child got, the more I loved him. Then more children came and I loved them so much, as well! 

How it works is, you love them more when they are grown up and moving away from you than when they first came to you.   So, my kids (if you are reading this), cut your mom some slack if she seems kind of clingy lately.  This mom job is tough.  You just wait and see!

And as long as I'm on the subject of love and kids and sappiness, I might as well just keep going.

You know how wonderful it is when your little toddler or five year old says they love you?  They're so sweet.  They believe you are perfect.  They think you've hung the stars and the moon and that you can do no wrong.  It is a sweet thing to hear, but they love who they think you are, not who you really are. 

Do you know what's sweeter?  To hear your teenage child say, "I love you, Mom."  Because they no longer think you're perfect.  They are quite certain of that.  They don't even think you're right much of the time.  You embarrass them.  You correct them.  You blog about them.  They've seen you get angry.  They've seen you fail.  They've seen you give up.  They've seen you in your leopard print bathrobe.  So when they say they love you, they love who you really are, and that is FAR sweeter.

(Happy Birthday)²

Fifteen years ago today, we got a phone call telling us that these two were born - five weeks early.

We hopped in our van and drove through the night to Waco, TX, to meet our new children.  We didn't get to see them right away because they were in NICU, but we did get meet their wonderful mom for the first time.  When we did get the opportunity to see the twins, they were adorable, and they still are. 

Aidan & Emily, I love you both so much!  You add so much fun and excitement to our family.  It is a privilege to be your mom, and I am so proud of the wonderful young man and young lady you are becoming!

Happy 15th birthday!

Still Sweet Though

No longer 16, but still as sweet as ever!

My Molly Sunshine has turned 17.  How does this even happen?!?!?!

Molly, I am so thankful to have you as a daughter.  I love so many things about you: your love for the Lord, your forgiving heart, your loyalty, your seemingly endless musical talent, your writing, your drawing, your crazy willingness to accompany me on my many adventures....and the list goes on...

I hope this coming year brings many, many blessings your way!

Love you tons!

That Was Revealing

Yesterday was a very revealing day.  We've waited 20 long weeks to find out the gender of our grandbaby. At long last, the gender has been revealed....it's a....

Evan & Erin are having a GIRL!!!!!!  Sart buying the dresses and cute little girlie things now!  Nina, with help from many other people, threw a most wonderful reveal party.  Here's the proof....

There were lots of tasty pink and blue goodies...

There was helpful information for everyone to make their prediction..

Finally, people had to make their prediction.  A majority chose girl. (Nina & Molly both new the gender already, but they planned to take opposite sides)

And then...the moment of truth!

We would have been thrilled either way, but we are over-the-top excited for the sweet little girl's arrival in January!!!

Like A Machine Gun

September 2 marked the beginning of birthday season here at our house, and now the birthdays come rapid fire like a machine gun.  So, you will all forgive me for being a day late in wishing Zo-Bug a happy 8th birthday!

The little Zo-ster is EIGHT!  How did that happen?  Second grade?!

Zoe, you add so much laughter and life to our house!  I am so thankful to be your mama!!

Now I Have Two!

I have two adult children!!!  I'm not quite sure how that happened, but it did!

Eighteen years ago today, a teeny, tiny baby was born prematurely.  It was Labor Day - how appropriate!  We wouldn't know about this baby, all hooked up to wires and tubes in the NICU, for another eleven days. On Sept. 13 I received a phone call from our social worker, "I know you are not done with your homestudy, but...there's been a baby girl born...."

Eighteen years later I can still remember that phone call! 

Ten days later, Nina was released from the hospital and came home to be our daughter.  From our first contact with the adoption agency until we brought Nina home was six months.  That was God!  Domestic adoptions rarely occur that quickly.

I can't really put into words how much I love this girl!  That's God, too, btw. Those of you that have known us for many years, know that Nina was not one of those "easy to raise" children.  I'm not being mean in saying that, just factual.  She will readily admit to this now.  When she was younger we used to be terrified of her teen years, fearing that she would be in utter rebellion by this time.  Truth.

But God - being rich in mercy to her and to us - kept her from making really bad choices, he kept our relationship with her intact through much conflict, and He eventually called her to himself, to become his daughter. 

So Nina, on your eighteenth birthday, I want you to know that I love you. I love you, not for what you do or don't do, but for WHO you are.  I so enjoy YOU!  It is a privilege to be your mom!

Not All Puppies, Rainbows and Unicorns

Some weeks are harder than others, for sure.  This past week has been such around here.

On Thursday, Molly's car pretty much self-destructed.  We ended up having to replace both front tie rods, the radiator, the fan and a ball joint thingy (I am so not a car expert, but it all sounded bad!)

On Saturday morning, Chris got a call that his older brother Shannon committed suicide after a lifelong struggle with alcoholism and depression.

On Sunday, our Ridgeline was in an accident.

It was just one thing after another all weekend :(

Yet, through it all, God has shown himself faithful and good!  The PT Cruiser imploded at the Mall of America and not on a freeway, so Molly and Nina were both safe and unharmed.  Likewise, no one was injured in the accident on Sunday.

Even in Shannon's death, God has shown himself as a comforter.  Truthfully, for many years we have been expecting to receive a call that Shannon had died.  As sad as it sounds to those outside the situation, we are thankful that he didn't die homeless on the streets, but was living with caring people at the time of his death.

As I read Psalm 94 this morning I was comforted by these words, "When I thought, 'My foot slips,' your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul."    -Psalm 94:18,19

So despite the difficulties in which we currently live, we are hopeful and full of peace because God is just as much God in affliction and difficulty as He is when everything is puppies and rainbows.

How Did I Survive?

I've been going through a lot of old pictures the past few weeks, getting ready to put together a slide show for Nina & Molly's graduation next summer.  I know it's still a ways off, but come January (when the grand baby is due), I will pretty much be useless for anything but holding the baby!

Since both girls pre-date digital photography, I have to scan in pictures of them prior to about 2004.  Looking at all these old pictures, I am really not quite sure how I survived all the cuteness that was going on around here.

I have proof....

Yes, it is no small miracle that my brain didn't just explode from cuteness overload!

We Thrived

Not only did we survive our little wilderness adventure, we thrived in the wild.  It was yet another amazing time paddling, portaging, swimming, singing, eating, relaxing, and rock jumping.

Never has the Quetico heard so many Disney tunes, sung with so many different lyrics, at so many hours of the day!  We woke up to very loud loons most mornings, and went to bed to somewhat quieter loons each night. We watched a pair of bald eagles whose nest was just across a little bay from us. We ate lots of very tasty wild blueberries.  We paddled through rivers of lily pads.

We got many scrapes, cuts and bruises. We drank a lot of lake water. We laughed.  We slept.  We thrived!

My sister Deb and I talked a lot about how thankful we were that our mom began this tradition of going to the Boundary Waters/Quetico.  She had to be almost 50 when she started going in, and she proceeded to make trips for 20+ years.  I believe she was 71 when she made her last trip in.  Molly, Nina and I were privileged to take two trips in with her.  She taught us so much about how to thrive in the wilderness - how to eat well and pack light.  Because of my mom's adventurous spirit, Molly has now been into the Boundary Waters/Quetico FIVE times.  She was only nine when she went for the first time, and even then she was portaging Duluth packs. Now she can portage a canoe like a pro.

I am hoping this is a tradition that will continue for many, many years!

Home

Three tents, three hammocks

Lots of trees and rocks

And you should see their muscles now after the trip!

Free water massage

Looking down on our campsite - we're at the cleared spot across the bay

A little rock jumping after lunch

Our view every night

The happy campers waiting for our tow

What The.....?

We just got back from our most lovely vacation to Michigan.  The weather was great, and aside from the biting flies and one particularly mosquito infested hike, it was a grand experience.  We started out in the Porcupine Mountains in the Upper Peninsula, and then trekked down to a state park near Mackinaw City.

The aforementioned state park, Wilderness by name, was a very unique experience.  First off, it is on the shore of Lake Michigan, which is very sandy and Caribbean-blue.  I actually named the area the Caribbean of the Midwest.

Now I've been camping for 46 of my 48 years of life.  I've been to many, many different types of campgrounds - state parks, national parks, private campgrounds, KOAs, Jellystone...you name it, I've camped in something like it.

The campsites on the lake-side of this park were very crowded which, in and of itself, is not that unusual.  The weirdness about this particular park was that almost everyone else seemed to know each other.  I felt like we were walking into some great big family reunion!  Literally, there were campsites with ten tables set up all together.  People would be walking down the street to a neighboring campsite with their beer in one hand and dinner in the other, and they would all hang out together.  It was a little bizarre.

That wasn't the weirdest part though.  Next on the weird list were the refrigerators!  Yes, refrigerators. Not like you have a fridge in your RV. NO!  As in you are camping in a tent and you bring along two large dorm-sized refrigerators. And it wasn't just one group that did that.  Probably half of the campsites had fridges!  "Okay honey, let's pack up the sleeping bags, tent and fridge!"  Who does that??

Anyway, that was weird, but the weirdest part, by far, were the large rugs people had outside their tents or campers.  We're talking 14' x 20' rugs...Persian rugs....living room sized rugs!  I have NEVER seen people have full sized 20' x 20' rugs in a campground.....until now!  Now, as I said, it was a sandy place, so I can certainly see a nice door mat outside your camper/tent to keep the sand out, but this....I just don't get it!?

Anyway, enough about weirdness.  Here are a few of the 300+ pictures from the week...

 We spent a lot of time doing this...

And looking at things like this...

Saw a few of these as well...

And a lot of these...

We did a little of this in Lake Superior, and a lot more of it in Lake Michigan...

We spent a few hours doing this around Mackinac Island....

 And then we saw lots of these...

We spent a lot of time doing this, which looks incredibly like hiking, but is really "Going exploring" (a much more palatable term to certain children)

 And we spent a LOT of time looking at this...

The only thing that could have made it better is if Evan, Erin, Nina & Molly were along with us.