I've Been Thinking

This post has been a long time in coming.  I've composed it in my head numerous times, but never typed it in.  I'm finally ready.  This is going to be one of those posts that I do because they are cheaper than therapy :-)

Three years ago, we were waiting for a referral for Marcus & Zoe.  We were in the throes of the international adoption process, not mainly because we felt we needed more kids, but because we felt that the Lord was leading us down this path.  More than anything in life, Chris & I want to obey our heavenly Father, wherever that may lead us.  Well, we were certain that His will for us was to adopt two kids from Ethiopia.

I had two songs that summed up the "why" part of our adoption.  The first one was Steven Curtis Chapman's Dive. The lyrics that most concisely summed up what I was thinking were the following.

But we will never know the awesome power
Of the grace of God
Until we let ourselves get swept away
Into this holy flood
So if you'll take my hand
We'll close our eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let's go

I'm diving in I'm going deep in over my head I want to be
Caught in the rush lost in the flow in over my head I want to go
The river's deep the river's wide the river's water is alive
So sink or swim I'm diving in

The second song was Casting Crowns' The Voice of Truth .  Particularly this part...

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

And so with this adoption, we dove in or stepped out of the boat, depending on which analogy you want to use, and here we are today.

Now to the "why" of this post.

Lately, I have been reflecting on that step of faith we took two years ago and it has occurred that it doesn't feel like I thought it would feel and, on a day-to-day basis, it doesn't look the way I thought it would look.  I feel more like Peter than anything else.  He stepped out of the boat too (good for him), but then he saw the wind and promptly sunk! (Matthew 14:29-30)  That's where I am much of the time - neck deep in water.  But, I also know that as soon as Peter started to sink Jesus IMMEDIATELY reached out His hand and took hold of him. (v.. 31)  And so it is with me, too, when I think I can't do this anymore, that I can't possibly help these kids find wholeness, Jesus is right there reminding me that HE can make them whole.  AND He is always reminding me that "His power is made perfect in my weaknesses" (of which there are many, so I am sure His power has ample opportunity in me).

Then this morning, I was thinking of Moses and how God asked him to go lead the Israelites out of Egypt and how (after arguing for a bit), Moses obeyed.  Well, it didn't take long before Moses was no doubt thinking, "This is not really what I bargained for.  These people are grumbling and complaining and they don't listen to me and..."  Oh, how I can relate to Moses!

The first steps of obedience are tough, but the ongoing "consequences" of obedience are life-changing.  There.  I've said it.  Amidst much joy and fun, life here is hard, but that's not a bad thing.  Hard brings growth.  Hard produces dependence on Jesus.  Who else is going to take hold of me before I sink?  How else will I know Jesus more?  Certainly not by having an easy life.  Certainly not by playing it safe.

When I look back on my life, I can see times of great difficulty and pain, but it is those times that I wouldn't trade for all the world because those are the times when I came face to face with Jesus.  Not the distant God of a faraway heaven, but the Abba Father, the friend who sticks closer than a brother.  Those are the times that made Jesus so precious to me.  So, I wouldn't trade today's difficulties for anything in the world, because I know what I am gaining is priceless and a treasure beyond words.

And so I will leave you with the lyrics to the song that I now hold on to...

I Want To Know You
by Sonicflood

In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness You are there
In the secret, in the quiet hour
I wait only for You
Cause, I want to know You more

I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more


I am reaching for the highest goal
That I might receive the prize
Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside
Out of my way
Cause, I want to know You more